By Sharon Lamothe

Aren’t you sick and tired of listening to the opinions of people who refer to surrogate women as those who ‘are living under the poverty level’ or ‘ are carrying other women’s babies for the money’ or better yet ‘low-life trailer trash that can’t do anything else but have babies’? I would think that not only the women who volunteer to become surrogate mothers or gestational carriers would be highly insulted but so would the Intended Parents who are trusting these women with the most valuable dream that they have…their very own child!

I’d like to clear up a few, lets say, misconceptions. First of all most of the women I have known or worked with in the surrogacy world over the years have been perfectly capable of supporting themselves without putting their lives on hold for another couple to become a surrogate mother. They may have been stay at home moms who did volunteer work at their children’s school, church or community but their husbands/partners were able and willing to make enough money to support the entire family on one income. There are the women who were not only mothers but students too, attending classes for nursing, criminal law, cosmetology, business and architecture (to name a few) and had the support of their family and friends as they carried precious babies for other couples. Lets not forget the working mothers who not only held full time jobs in fields such as teaching, nursing, legal assistant, hospice, hair salons, real estate, and photography studios (and some who owned their own businesses). Did any of these wonderful, caring women live in a trailer? I bet a few did. So what. The point I am making here that no matter what the background they were no where near ‘low life trash’ and I resent that implication on behalf of all surrogates and myself.

Secondly, Intended Parents, for the most part, are not the type of people that give cart blanch to their agency owner and say “just give me anyone on your list that can carry a baby for me. I don’t care about their back ground, where they come from or what they do for a living…if they can carry a baby that’s all I need to know”! That comment may be a WISH of some agency owners out there but I am telling you it is rarely heard. IP’s are very concerned about the type of person that they trust with their maybe babies. Not just anyone will do. Is she healthy? Dose she live in a nice calm environment? How are the working conditions where she works? These are some of the questions that are asked. And some of the concerns that are answered.

So, people out there painting ’surrogate mothers’ with one swipe of your brush. Until you walked in our shoes or the shoes of the IP’s I ask you to keep the name calling to yourself. Thank YOU!

By Doug Setter

Have you ever wondered how some people work and study hard, but still end up having little to show for it? Health guru, Paul Bragg once mentioned that poverty was an illness. His concept was that fiscal health and physical health were both a result of habits.

As a kid, teen and adult, I could stretch a dollar from here until next week. I had no addictions to gambling, booze, drugs or expensive items. I had finished high school, joined the army, later attended college and finally university. Yet, I would make the wrong business and investment choices and I would find myself scraping by time and again. It just did not make sense.

One of my turning points was reading the book, Earn What You Deserve by Jerry Mundis. He considered poverty a negative behavior like any other addiction. He even drew a parallel to the AA’s 12 steps of recovery. While I rejected the whole “we are powerless” approach, I did pick up on three destructive behaviors that many impoverished people have:

1. Refusing to accept money.
2. Giving money away.
3. Accepting low pay.

The mere thought of accepting money for something that I put little value on just did not jive. It always felt that it was stealing or an unworthy act. For some reason I always saw it as kind of panhandling or it was just one of those impolite things to do. One of the toughest things that I ever allowed myself to do was to ask for more money.

The second idea of giving money away was also a problem. There is this strange obligation in some people to always give away their time and money. While charity is noble, some of us are too quick to hand out our hard-earned dollars or precious time to unimportant materials or events. This might be doing too many favours for other people or wasting money on non-productive items, such as expensive magazine ads for low priced products.

The last concept that haunted me was the bad habit of accepting low pay. I have fixed pipes, installed electrical wires, moved furniture, taught fitness, grabbed shop lifters, cut concrete, painted houses, dug trenches, changed diapers on a mentally handicapped patient, etc. All for ridiculously low wages. There was also long commutes to poor working conditions “until something better came along.” The fact of the matter was, I made more money doing things that I enjoyed.

So, I set up a behavior-changing plan. I set up a journal with dates and three headings, so it looked like this:

ACCEPT MONEY. AVOID GIVING MONEY AWAY. DO NOT ACCEPT LOW PAY.

Date: ______ _________ ___________ ______________
______ _________ ___________ ______________

Every day I put a check mark under each heading. (Or rather I attempted to put a check under each column.) When I did, I mentioned how and why. For example, if I had some old books, I would try to exchange them or get some money for them before trying to give them away. If I was offered money for a favor, I would force myself to at least take some of it. When I was approached to do a job that took up my time and training, I waited for a good offer.

This is not to say that the process was easy. It requires staying constantly vigilance on where my time, effort and money goes. Now, having said all of that, there is an up-side to all of this. I found that I started getting better ideas and taking more opportunities regarding my money situation. Without sounding too mysterious, sometimes coincidences pop up and luck seemed to come my way.

Like a consistent dieter, I sometimes went astray. Sometimes, I refused to accept money for my knowledge or time or I needlessly spent money by taking unnecessary trips. Rather than wallow in self-disgust, I found it better just to keep pushing forward. Progress was the key, not perfection.

Good luck with your progress. I welcome your comments.

By Ruth Garnes

Poverty can sometimes only be a state of mind, based on our perception and what we value in life. It is also a disheartening reality for many. The Webster dictionary describes poverty as having a chronic need for money and material goods. How many of us in America one of the richest countries in the world, have this chronic need to have and desire more and more?

Earlier this year I visited my native country of Belize. A relative of mine invited me to her country home. I noticed that my cousin took a lot of food supplies with her. I did not question her actions but noted that she said we were going for one night. After we got to our destination, I went exploring by myself. When I returned she invited me to accompany her as she visited with some of the local villagers. She drove about a mile along a lagoon that was partially dried up. As we neared the end of the sand path she pulled up in front of a shack. She greeted a rather plump girl who appeared very young. As they exchanged greetings, the woman’s face lit up. My cousin handed her a large portion of the food supply she had brought with her. The woman thanked her and went on to say she had some wonderful news. Without hesitating she began to narrate the events of her day. She attended church that morning. After the service commenced the pastor placed fifty dollars in her hands! She said, she rejoiced as she walked back home.

“When I left for church this morning she continued, I did not have any money. There wasn’t any food in my house to feed my children.” She ended with; “Something tells me that this is only the beginning of many good things to come.”

Later that day, after our initial encounter I talked with her a little more. I asked her about her family and children. She was indeed very young. I was almost twice her age. I did not see that we had much in common, with having a number of children as the exception. I shared that with her. I did not see the point in sharing much else. She was bubbly and cheerful the whole time we chatted. I responded to her in our native tongue. Doing so enabled me to identify a little more with her. She was blessing me in an unusually way. I began to examine myself. If I was ever poor I was not cognizance of it. This woman had a richness of spirit. Did this is mean that I now possessed a poorness of soul? Or had my priorities changed? How could that poverty-stricken woman be so satisfied with her nothingness? I have so much and I aspire to have much more.

Hunger is a daunting reality that ravishes the body and eventually deprives it of its very being. Slavery and abuse brings about poverty for many. They bind up any one who becomes a victim to any of them. Of any of these do we know which the more potent offenders are? In our quest to eradicate poverty should we try to eliminate every circumstance that brings it into being?

Charity begins at home. If we are unable to see the need of those around us, chances are that we will not be able to comprehend the needs of others we are not familiar with. Aren’t our own children starving for our love and attention? Do we as parents even have enough time for ourselves? Is our busyness justified because it emanates from our trying to fill our children’s and our own chronic need for money and material things? Are we in our country of abundance dying because we have this deep hunger within our souls? Are we enslaved by our possessions? Is this the reason we are less able to give? Are we trying to fill our own hunger with material wealth and entertainment? Is this the reason our deprived children are dying via their own hands? Can we truly as another sort of improvised nation make a significant contribution when we too are suffering as a result of our own wants?

I applaud Live 8 for the wonderful job they are doing in bringing about world wide awareness. After coming face to face with poverty, I had to examine my own thought process. I made no attempt to influence the young woman’s beliefs or to discourage or encourage her with my ideals. I believe that the first step is to accept that wealth and poverty come in many forms. People can be rich with material things but poor in morals and relationships. In contrast others can be poor in material things but content with the things that bring meaning to their lives. It is essential however, that all human beings have the basic necessities, like clean water, food and shelter.

For the most part, funds contributed to aid in providing these basic needs are not enough to reach all areas of our world. Individually one may not be able to contribute a large portion of money but together our help makes a difference. Who needs twelve pairs of shoes when they can only wear one pair at a time? Think about contributing the four dollars you spend a day for coffee, to help provide clean water for an entire village.